SLOWLY I TURNED

1)MISSING LINK

I sit alone tonight, paralyzed
Grinding mental gears and eyes like saucers
Clutter expands on every surface
Do you think I’ll even pretend it matters?
Night after night I keep the lights on
The stereo and TV blaring
I can’t stand to live in darkness
And silence is so overbearing

I kiss your picture
I scream your name
Each day it hits me
All over again
Just like nothing
You’re here and gone
I wasn’t planning
To be alone

So I act out to keep from losing it completely
Staring at the yellow scraps of police tape on our bedroom door
I know that soon I must take action
Before my friends start running out of compassion

I kiss your picture
I scream your name
Each day it hits me
Over and over again
As if you were nothing
You’re here and gone
I wasn’t planning
To be alone

I remember every detail
Every second burns a hole inside of me
You were so cold I could not warm you
You had this crazy peaceful sleepy look on your face
Then I could hear my voice crying out for help
Was it for you or was it really for myself?
Felt like hours before the cops came tromping in
Took one look at you and then they tossed me out of the bedroom

I paced and sat and paced for hours
Until Juliette calmed me down and held my hand
Finally the suit in charge bothered to drop by
Transparently dripping contempt as he mumbled the requisite banal questions
Honey, it’s all over now
The sickening circus is all gone and so are you
I’m left to rummage through the pieces of our lives
And sing your beauty to a world that couldn’t care less

I kiss your picture
I scream your name
Each day it hits me
Over and over and over and over again
Like you never happened
You’re here and gone
I wasn’t planning
To be alone, no no no
I kiss your picture
I scream your name
Each day it hits me
Over and over again
Just like nothing
You’re here and gone
I wasn’t planning
To be alone.

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, 4 guitars, church organ and avocado

Recorded & mixed at Shadow Studios by Bob Bassham & J Neo Marvin

2) ROOM 205

I am troubled
And my mind is full of fear
I’m in trouble
My predicament is clear
I’d give anything right here and now
To have you whisper in my ear.

My world is shrinking
And the walls are closing in
My world is shrinking
And the walls are closing in
Sometimes I wake up wishing
That I could tear off all my skin

My soul is twisted
My mind is slipping from my hands
Aaaaaah, twisted
Slipping from my hands
My heart denies me publicly
And says, "I never met this man"

Sometimes I think that I won’t be in this world much longer
Sometimes this makes me fearful,
Sometimes this makes me stronger
But how strong am I?

J Neo Marvin: Vocal and guitar
Alan Korn: Bass guitar and mandolin
Tim Ennis: Twinchin drum
Carrie Bradley: Violin
Rico Bell: Accordion

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound

3) PIECE OF WORK

Con the world till your charm runs out
You never had much but you sure can charm yourself
Your friends know you all too well
They put up with you because they know you mean well
Stop flogging yourself, it’s disgusting!
You’ve painted yourself in the corner again
What do you want from life anyway?
Better think hard before you answer that question

The best things in life are temporary
Follow your bliss until you trample it to pieces
Someday you’ll find out everything you want to know
And I pity you when that day comes

So obsessed with the impressions you make
You want to know what everyone thinks of you
Either they’re not paying that much attention
Or else they’ve noticed how much you look at yourself
You’d better shut up till you learn some new words
You’re doomed to recycle everything you’ve heard
Other people’s eyes make for better mirrors
Take a look; it explains a lot.

Are you really sure you want to know
What people say about you
When you’re not around?

J Neo Marvin: Vocals, guitar, Hammond organ
Alan Korn: Bass guitar
Tim Ennis: Dumbek
Meri St. Mary: Extra vocal

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound

4)YOUNG OFFENDER (Neil Tennant-Chris Lowe)
© 1993 EMI-Virgin Music (ASCAP)

J Neo Marvin: Vocals and acoustic guitars
Alan Korn: Pedal steel guitars

Recorded at Shadow Studios by Bob Bassham,
Steel guitar overdubs and final mix at The Wally Sound by Wally.

5) SOFT SHOULDER (Maati Stojanovich-J Neo Marvin)

You started dying slowly
When you took a ride on that machine
You shot off like a spark
Aimed straight into the dark
Weaving down a highway
All overcast with dreams

It’s a cycle that goes nowhere
Burning youth into exhaust
Such a raging rebel sinner
You almost were a winner
But now you’ve lost the map, can’t read the signs
And don’t know that you’re lost

Friends wait along the roadside
Faces blur in the flash
Tunnel vision turns to blue
One last exit left for you
And on the south side of the highway
A soft shoulder when you crash.

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, guitar and electric toy organ
ALAN KORN: Bass guitar and pedal steel guitar
TIM ENNIS: Tar
SID MERRITT: Clarinet

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound.

6) DOG DAYS

Sometimes I see too much
These are the times I want to opt out of the game
I see no hope
And all my anger can’t begin to make a change
My optimism has been stretched beyond repair
And when the payback comes
I’m not so certain I want to be there.

I barely sleep at night
I barely function in the day
Running out of time
My precious youth’s been pissed away
Flung like a pinball
Through the twists and turns of circumstance
My deep, commanding voice rings out
Like a fart in a hurricane
And I’m not much fun to sleep with
Because every morning
I wake up screaming.

If I could put words to this paralysis
I might find my escape
The cupboard’s bare, supplies are gone
I contemplate my fate.

So here’s the picture:
You walk into a building
And you’re ushered into a room
Where you sit across a table
From some little snotrag ten years younger than you
And all you want to do is grab his throat and say:
"What do you want from me?
I’ve worked this type of half-wit job before
What kind of clever trick
Are you waiting for me to perform?
Look straight through me with your enigmatically smug face
So what is it then?
Am I too dressed up? Am I too dressed down?
How many more times in this life
Do I have to sit in a room like this
Judged by the petty likes of you?
I’d like a figure right now, I’d like a figure right now
I’d like to know what got me
In this position anyhow!"

Well...OK, OK, I know:
I did not want a normal life
I wanted "freedom", vaguely defined
I knew what I did not want
That much was crystal clear
I never thought enough about
What I actually wanted!

And when your gallows humor starts wearing thin
That’s when they say your heartaches really begin
Try whistling past the graveyard
But your lips don’t make a sound
And every morning headline sends you spinning farther down.

Suddenly I feel this clarity
As if a weight was lifted off my shoulders
For no good reason at all.
And I feel confident, even joyous
But nothing’s actually changed.
Why is life like this?
I can’t answer that one, sweetie.

J Neo Marvin: Vocals and 2 guitars
George Galvas: Bass guitar
Bob Bassham: Drums

Recorded & mixed at Shadow Studios by Bob Bassham & J Neo Marvin

7) MR. FLOPPY’S REQUEST

J Neo Marvin: Clavinova on piano setting, street noise tape collage

Ambient sounds recorded on block of Market, Mission, 8^th and 9^th Sts. in San Francisco on Panasonic boombox; clavinova track recorded and final assembly performed at The Wally Sound by Wally and Neo.

8) SHOUTING FIRE IN A CROWDED THEATRE

Shout fire while the theatre is burning down
We used to lock away people like you
Now you can let off a little steam
But stay inside your designated corner
Because the truth is too extreme.

Shout fire while they’re lining up for blocks
To get inside the smoking door
They’ve got a show you wouldn’t believe
A house of cards rising to the sky
And everybody wants to add one more.

Shout fire while the beams and shingles fall
The TV monitors say calm down
Business is thriving and there is no danger
A crisis comes and a crisis goes
But normal life goes on and on.

Shout fire while we’re crawling through the ash
Come on and take a final bow
Now that it’s too late to make a difference
We want to make you an official hero
‘Cause you were so ahead of your time
A testimony to your vision
‘Cause you were so ahead of your time
Yeah you were so ahead of your time
They’re gonna name a street after you
Give you a new oxygen mask too
‘Cause you were so ahead of your time.

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, guitar, backward guitar, Wurlitzer piano
Alan Korn: Bass guitar
Tim Ennis: Tambourine
Rico Bell: Accordion

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound

9) INTERFERENCE

Wake up at 2 AM to the sound of screaming, tears and crashing
She’s cowering up against the wall while he stands over her
Bellowing, his fists come down, he wants his keys, he wants his way
She’s ten years younger, half his size, two month old kid, nowhere to go
Hey vato, I don’t care how they do things in your country
I’m not standing here ignoring things under my own roof

Two cops climb up the stairs, he’s standing there with his feathers out
She’s locked herself up in the bano sobbing like a child
They slap the cuffs on him, she begs and pleads, she wants no trouble
They shake their heads and leave as one, she gives him what he asked for
Out the door they go at 2:15, la familia nuclear
My stomach’s tight and I can’t sleep
I don’t know if I did the right thing or not.

Am I still an anarchist when I’m dialing 911?

J Neo Marvin: Vocal and guitar
Alan Korn: Bass guitar and pedal steel guitar
Tim Ennis: Claves
Carrie Bradley: Violins

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound

10) VAGABOND

The key she wears around her neck
Unlocks a door in another town
Where everything she owns is stored
And she has to have it out before the first rolls around

Border guard says passport please
She flashes that beguiling grin of hers and says:
"I thought that this was Europe
And you could go anywhere you pleased"
And he buys it.

Vagabond passed this way
Looking for a place to stay
No fixed address, no future plans
Not much more than the bag in her hands

Slumped in a chair, grasping a beer
Opens her eyes and scans the room
She’s not too impressed with anything at all
Except those things that she loves with a passion

There’s always a squat or an empty car
A train station bench for a couple of hours
The kindness of strangers on the music scene
It’s lots of fun when you’re seventeen.

Vagabond passed this way
Looking for a place to stay
No fixed address, no future plans
Not much more than the bag in her hands

Don’t you ever take her kiss for granted
One day you might wake up and find
She’s sailing off to the Island Of Girls
Yeah, she’s gonna leave your sorry ass behind.

Vagabond crossed our path
Ask her a question, she’ll just laugh
Where she’s heading next, I don’t know
Counts her change and then away she goes.

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, guitar and banjo
Alan Korn: Bass guitar
Tim Ennis: Twinchin drum
Carrie Bradley: Violins
Rico Bell: Accordions

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound

11) RUNNING UP A TAB ON THE UNIVERSE

I have drained every reservoir
I have tapped out every well
I have left myself with nothing
But some sordid tales to tell.

The Good Ship Lollipop is sinking
I do believe we’re upside down
My foot’s caught in a chandelier
Do you think that we’ll be found?

Keep on climbing to the bottom
Pedal to the floor, speeding in reverse
I’m running up a tab on the universe.
There must be some way out of this
Grit your teeth and run, hang on to your hope
You may find yourself swinging from a rope.

It’s not true that I hold my soul
But yes, I’ve pawned it more than once.
Did I really burn that bridge back there?
Guess I’m going to have to jump.

Lying like a magic carpet
Convoluted pleas, plotting on my knees
I’ve got debts to pay I can’t explain away.
I keep climbing to the bottom
Pedal to the floor, speeding in reverse
Running up a tab on the universe.

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, acoustic and electric guitars, big evil drum
Alan Korn: Bass guitar
Tim Ennis: Finger cymbals
Carrie Bradley: Violin
Sid Merritt: Clarinets and maniacal laughter

Recorded and mixed at the Wally Sound by Wally Sound

12) IS THIS WHERE WE GET OFF?

Once there was so much love between us
We conspired, confided and plotted
Against the world instead of each other
I felt so at home and so exhilarated
Just to be with you.

Once the sound you made was the thing that I most loved
Was the only thing I could trust
You don’t miss your water till your cup is filled with dust
I’d look around and barely believe
Such crazy beautiful characters
Were here to play with me.

There are things I’d rather not remember
And things I never will forget.
A current passed between us
That conflicted with our high-flown moral codes
Oh emotions are so messy; they never do what they’re told
(What were you thinking?)
I was thinking this is too good to be true
I gave you so much ammunition
When I opened up to you.

Oh, I wanted everything for you
Power and glory all for you
Your rightful place in the sun
Wanted to kill your demons one by one
Please forgive my big swelled head
And all the stupid things I ever said
And how I let it all come to such a cheap, ignoble end

Oh I suppose we’ll spend more time on our neglected lives
We’ll kiss the ones we love and sheepishly apologize
For our dead end dreams, then pack our stuff away
Until some distant day we can’t imagine now
Is this where we get off?
Can any goodbye be good enough?

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, rhythm guitar, hideous guitar solo, piano, Hammond organ, plastic woodblock and cowbell
Alan Korn: Bass guitar
Tim Ennis: Shekere
Wally Sound: Righteous kick drum pattern
Lisa McElroy: "What were you THINKING?"

Recorded and mixed at The Wally Sound by Wally Sound

13) HOW I SPENT THE DARK AGES

I cut my loved ones a whole lot of slack
I know what it’s like to fall off the tracks
After a few of the things that I’ve done
I can’t get high enough to look down on anyone
Forgiveness tends to come easy to me
Do you think I’m a sap? Do you think that I’m weak
When I say nothing human disgusts me except stupidity?

Your legend looms every place that I go
But the stories, they don’t match the you that I know
Friends are astonished, they don’t have a clue
Can’t comprehend why I’m hanging with you
I see the venom well up in their eyes
You must have worked hard to get so despised
I’d stop a bullet for you but the whole thing disturbs me.

I’ve fallen into a river of shit
Consoled by believing I’m baptized by it
The sweet perfume lingers on those who’ve been there
It’s our badge of honor which we proudly wear
Those without history cast the first stone
Show us your scars or pack up and go home
Open the closet door, check out the bones
You can’t have them: they’re mine.

I tried to die and I miserably failed
Begged to be punished, got kicked out of jail
So I picked up a shovel and started to dig
Down in the pen with the rest of the pigs
Now there’s a tunnel, it doesn’t go far
And no one here’s exactly sure where we are
Waving our arms at the trains flashing by
We never sold out ‘cause no one would buy!

And this is the song that the bad ones all sing
As they tear themselves inside out looking for wings
So if you’re sick and tired, you’re welcome to join in the chorus.

It goes:
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
What you’re saying
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
I am changing
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU NO MORE
I can’t hear you!

And this is the song that the bad ones all sing
We tear ourselves inside out looking for wings
So if you’re sick and tired of it all
Come on down! You’re welcome.

J Neo Marvin: Vocals and 12-string guitar
George Galvas: Bass guitar, 12-string guitar solo and vocals
Bob Bassham: Drums

Recorded & mixed at Shadow Studios by Bob Bassham & J Neo Marvin

14) ASHES (Meri St. Mary)

J Neo Marvin: Vocal, acoustic guitar and church organ
Rico Bell: Accordion

Recorded at Shadow Studios by Bob Bassham, accordion overdub and final mix done at The Wally Sound by Wally.

All songs written by J Neo Marvin except as noted.
All songs belong to their authors except as noted.
Performance clearance: BMI.
© 2001 J Neo Marvin